I guess I have one more than about Witching Hour I want to add, and it’s more how I personally feel is all. How I been feeling what I been thinking and what I want to do. And this will be a fairly long post.
Editor’s note: This is a rant or a vent or just both. Something to get off my chest. And I have to make this clear that no one is at fault here. Sure, I don’t like how some members act, and things could be better. But no one is at fault. I’m letting off steam.
How have I been feeling.
Guild has been interesting when I first joined or got asked to join and it was a fun time and was before Phantasy Star Online 2: New Genesis. And there were rough spots pre-NGS and post NGS but I didn’t mind it. Or rather, I ignored it. I met some chill people, you could goof off with, and being a member was fun. Then I got asked to become an officer for the guild (just like in Midnight owls in elsword) way back then, even though, I was happy being a regular member and did not care to be an officer.
And being an officer, it was not so bad and ignoring other things. As an officer, I just help urgent quests and have to watch chat when users start to become stupid. As you can see, I don’t do much. Being an officer feels like babysitting but you get paid with disrespect, being ignored, or having to deal with stupid things.
And it always feels like you are walking on eggshells with some users. But as an officer, and forgive me. This shit blows! Witching hour feels too pc with some members. Someone getting offended, I can’t really speak my mind because other guilds or people may read this? It is why didn’t want to become an officer.
Maybe it is the lack of content, the guild feeling samey to me, just being here, some users won’t listen to advice or will be offended. Having to babysit some users or speak for users who want to do something but never speak up or even ignore some people, and don’t even have manners to respond sometimes.
Warning: This vent is all over the place but no hard feelings, just needed a place to unwind and release my problems or talk about them
It’s time again for a fun post and an interesting topic from me,
OnyChaos. Why I am no longer competitive or why I stopped being
competitive. Well, let’s see in the old days of CyberScore or when
I joined the competitive side of Cyberscore or gaming, for me was
fun. It was about being better while having fun, you know?
Here the thing. Me
and my friends. Auto and Shiny. We are competitive in smash but we
have fun at the end of the day because having fun is better then
trying to out do someone in a vidya game. And I am fine with people
being competitive but most of the time the environment is toxic and
by proxy it keeps me from playing with other friends.
But being competitive seems to be such a serious thing that some forget what fun is or rather the only fun is beating the other players or fun being wasting hours, days on a game to beat the score by another user that has long since stopped playing.
Alright. So I was gifted a game. Mini golf Arena. Normally, I like gifts, it’s a way of saying “You’re great” or something to that effect. But sometimes and this may be a strange concept but hear me out. I don’t like some gifts. Shocker, right. Such a strange and weird concept.
So here my deal with mini golf arena. So nothing against it. Well that’s a lie, there is a lot going against it for me but that’s based off Pangya issues which doesn’t help.
I should make this clear. I HAD an interest in golf games when I played Pangya: global fresh up. When the NA server died, my interest died with it. Then when it was time to play Pangya Celebrity, my interest for golf games hit it’s peak and after Pangya Celebrity support died.
From that day onward, I had a low Interest in golf games (But it seems that has not been clear or my lack of “passion” for golf games). I would play Pangya Debug with friends but that’s because, that was the closest thing to playing a MMORPG with these Pangya friends. I would love to play other fun games with them but that’s not going to happen or some just flake out on you. I learn to come to terms that some things I want to do with my pangya friends are never going to happen.
Got off topic but.. Once Pangya Debug died. That was it. After ping ponging back and forth with Pangya games, I want nothing to do with golf games. And one reason I didn’t want Mini Golf Arena is because, I feel that Mini Golf Arena is a fad (In my group of friends), which by the time of the post may have died out.
I thought that me making it clear in the chat was a clear sign that I don’t want this game. And I said I don’t want it. And surely, that should be clear as day.
But as I write this, that wasn’t a clear message so… As they say, “Your words fall on deaf ears” I’m not ungrateful but I didn’t ask you to send me a game I didn’t want. It was on sale for 0.89 cents but so it was not too bad of a price.
I feel you wasted 89 cents on this game. Not only do I not want to play this game that has mixed reviews. This doesn’t boost my interest for golf games. I don’t know who spearheaded this idea to get me this game, but why?
It doesn’t help If I accept gifts that are good or bad. Thanks for the gift? Not going to play it though. After Debug I think I’m done with golf games to last me a lifetime. Here a cool tip for you. The more you want me to do something, the less I will do it.
Seeing as Pangya is now dead in this group. You had a good life.
This long rant got out of hand. But please, in the near future make sure if you send me a game, please ask or I will reject the game
Unironic, Sonic Spinball would been a better gift. Too late though.
This is pretty serious / dark of a rant, it’s not aim at anyone. Take this rant / vent with a grain of salt. I been wanting to say this for a while, normally, I would add some type of pictures that would be a meme but not today..
As you read this, this was the result of my mental breakdown and depression, paired with stress and low sanity with a lack of sleep or unable to sleep.
What the fuck happened to our generation of people? What the fuck happened to us as a whole? Where are the days where we had thick skin? Or where did the days go where sharing one’s opinion would be eye opening in a good way?
When did our generation become so twisted and messed up? We take a step forward to only to take 3 steps back? Or when did drama stop being the only means to end a friendship or start dumb shit?
How did we get here? Are we doomed to just fall from grace? I feel like everything we do is hopeless…It’s funny.. The thought of me being a pessimist is funny, I’m such a “optimist” I feel like such a joke. I guess I had to take off my rose colored glasses at some point..
I feel like everything I do blows up in my face non-stop, it’s almost perfect… I’m damn if I do or don’t. I want to make friends but I hate getting fucked over. Everytime I want to mean well, life laughs in my face and it backfires.
Maybe, I am better off not caring about anyone but that will just make me a cold hearted bastard. This is a generation I can’t win? How can I win being myself? Maybe everything I have done up to this point has been a GOD DAMN LIE!
I put myself last as my friends come first to me and that always blows up in my face, that is great. I just don’t know anymore. ANYTHING can end a “friendship” It’s like walking on a minefield and I don’t get it..I just don’t get it anymore..I really don’t and it’s depressing as all hell..
What can I even do? I feel like being myself or being me is good and only good for getting me in trouble with anyone, and I really do feel like being “ME” is not worth it.. Do I just wear a fake smile to keep people happy? The answer would seem to be yes.
I feel like the point of things I did is gone. What is the point of doing things if it will push people away. I feel like leaving social media as a whole would be for the best at this point.
It really does feel pointless cause it will just happen again, I am just doomed to upset people and that is a fact….I will end up doing something and watching it blow up in my face..
I could rant or vent on twitter and be open book about my true feelings and be blunt, but all that will do is annoy people and hurt them and just stress me the fuck out again.
I could share my thoughts but that is going to do is cause me more problems and stress but stress is always great…Oh wait, it’s not
I feel like no matter what I do, say or try. Something ALWAYS GOES WRONG, IT ALWAYS GOES WRONG. It would be funny if something could go right…But I am too hopeful. I could try my best to not hurt someone but still end up hurting someone..
I’m damned if I do and damned if I don’t. To be honest, there is no halfway here. I will say it again. What the hell happened to this generation? Drama was the only means of losing friends back then.
But now having a different opinions, ranting, overthinking something or anything really is enough to lose friends or start shit these days and it’s sad to know that it now takes almost no effort to lose a friend.
And I lost more friends before in the past and it’s great to know that it’s simple to lose friends by being yourself but it’s not great and it fucking sucks..
And that hurts the most that knowing I could hurt someone by ranting or being “myself” I can push someone away cause of that.
Before anyone says “This is life, get out of your bubble.” I guess this is my wake up call for me to see this world in a negative light. What can I even say or do without upsetting someone, I don’t fucking know..I just don’t know but I’m ready to give up.
I feel like the only haven left where I can’t hurt anyone or upset anyone with me around is tumblr.. But that won’t last. I’m just stressed and depressed. If you want to talk to me I think it’s best for me to stay away from Social media for the time being.
If you are reading this on Twitter. Don’t do anything on my behalf. But don’t expect me back on Twitter or Twitch or Discord for a while. I am sorry that I have been like this. I just think this is a better option to stay away.
After my mental break, I’m in a really bad place. I don’t know how stable I am at the moment or if I am “stable”, so, Social media would be a very bad idea.
NO, I’m not playing victim. I have always seen myself as a failure and a fuck up but I hide my emotions from everyone, which is why you think I am a “Nice guy” or a “asshole”
But, you know I tend to fuck up. But that’s me. I am just lost but I doubt you care but that’s ok. I’m not worth the time anyway. I wish this was a bad dream I could wake up from, but it’s not. It’s life, and with life, you never know what you do could upset someone or hurt someone till it’s too late.
And I was really on edge, the fact I had no sleep for these past days, since I couldn’t sleep anymore and being stressed out to the breaking point didn’t help
Sigh, now in to darker parts of my mind.
I would see normally see a silver lining in this mess I made, but I don’t see any silver lining here. If no one is mad, great but I am still a fuck up. A failure who ends up saying dumb shit. My rants are worthless, My thoughts are stupid, like me. I love being called a great friend… I am no great friend. I’m a piece of shit.
I am like the “Daisy Trash” meme, I am trash and I should be in trash.. I don’t get why you call me a friend or a good friend or follow me..I’m not normal like most, why bother with me, to be honest. You are wasting your time. I’m not normal, I’m not original, I’m not even funny or fun.
I’m dull and boring. I’m weird, I don’t do anything special, i’m just a nobody.. If I get back on Twitter, I will just lose another friend or come close to losing a friend or upset someone else and will just show how much of a failure I really am.. I don’t know why keep trying at this point, I should delete everything but I won’t. Holding on to what little of sanity I have left, is keeping me from deleting everything and it’s keeping me from doing something stupid.
Maybe I should just be a emotionless person with a fake smile, I am sure that will make things better and make people happy, if people are happy then that’s what matters to me.
Friends say I should tell them my problems, would that really do anything? No, It would only make their day a little worst or it would make some worry for no reason and I can’t have that. But I’m just being a pessimist about that. And maybe open up to those I trust.
Maybe…Just maybe, I could “win” by not being myself, I am so tired of things blowing up in my face but being emotionless then I can no longer upset anyone or hurt friends anymore.
When the hell did subtweeting become a new means to losing a friend or upsetting anyone..? People sub tweet all the time and they stay friends afterwards. Maybe, I am better off making a new protected account, this way, I can’t hurt anyone or friends with my worthless rants and dumb thoughts or my bad opinions.
But I can’t do anything right and I guess that’s why I don’t want to make friends cause I know when I open up to them and be the real “me”, it will push them away or upset them or I end up hurting those I care and then they are gone, like they were never here..
I seen comments like “They are not good friends” They are good friends..I’m the problem here. Me, not them. I am just unlucky one here.
You could rant about me or vent about me or even sub tweet about me and the most I would do is feel annoyed but I wouldn’t choose to end my friendship over that cause real friends wouldn’t let petty words bother them to such a way that it ends a friendship.. But maybe that is some made up fantasy I dream of everyday….
Which I look, just like my fantasy, I don’t fit in nowhere. Twitter, Twitch, Discord, Facebook. If I was somewhat normal, then I could fit in but that feels like a nightmare. I don’t fit in anywhere. It’s a nagging feeling that bothers me, no matter where I go on social media.
I always push those away when I be myself, do I fit in this world? No, not really. Each year that comes, I lose friends or best friends and people say “it’s their loss”, but it’s mine loss in the end of the day. They come and then go, nothing I can do but just sit by and watch.. It’s going to happen, everyone is going to go, sooner or later, and it will be my fault. I will be the reason they leave. And I will be all alone, a failure needs- No, a failure has no friends, a failure like me deserves to die alone and be forgotten.
When the day come where people can fit in anywhere, share their opinions without worry of starting fights or drama. Hell, being able to share their thoughts or even rant or vent about others without fear of losing one dear to them because they didn’t have thick skin
A place where I could even fit in. A place where there is no drama over having complete different opinions, where sub tweeting would be there as a means to vent or rant.
A world where those who are famous will put their friends first and not last.. Where friends are no longer seen as tools but as people or human beings among other people that all have a purpose in this life.
A place where we don’t get tossed under the bus and forgotten like trash,
Maybe one day, we can grow thick skin and no longer just take things at face value, be able to have longer lasting friendships… But no such place exist and it WILL never exist. It’s one dream that will never come true no matter how much you wish for it. It’s false hope like being a optimist, you’re only lying to yourself… Like I been doing my whole life as being a optimist.. I thought being a optimist would make life better for me but it was a beautiful lie, at the very least..
Well, I will see how things play out, I don’t see anything good happening anytime soon. Assuming I don’t delete anything in the time frame. I just need time to think what I want to do and time alone.
I’m not mad at anyone, I am just mad at myself. I hate myself for being trash and useless and I’m a failure to my friends and girlfriend and a insensitive idiot..
I’m truly sorry from the bottom of my heart to anyone I hurt deeply or upset anyone and for the things I said and done. You won’t see me for a while on any social sites till I am stable enough… I guess I was never ok, putting on a mask and smiling helps make the pain go away, only for so long..
Don’t worry, I’m alive but I’m “meh”, if anyone asks. Like I said before…Just thinking what I want to do with my life when I feel somewhat better and mentally stable again.
So, in the time being, you won’t find me online anywhere, don’t bother or worry yourself. During this time, I’m focusing on getting better and learning game development and taking a break from twitter / social was much needed. Give me a week, I should be mentally stable by then, if not, then, more time may be needed.
If I post this, then 3 or 4 days have passed since. Meaning, what you see may not be the current. Or may be outdated. But think of a status update. This will be the only time you will ever see what’s truly on my mind, or if I have another mental breakdown..
My breakdown has ended, I am in a “better” state of mind,
but I am still too unable for the time being. Still depressed to some point but working on it.
I should make this clear, I’m not looking for sympathy by posting this, The stuff I done and say earns me no sympathy
in any way, shape or form.
I can only hope that this won’t get taken at face value or
misinterpret. I stand by everything I said. I am trash. And I’m sorry again. I fear that this will bring me more trouble then wanted, I can only assume the best here. right?
I will answer all DMs / Discord pms and messages when I get back to my stable self. (If there is any)
Now, goodbye, from the edgelord. Take care and be safe all.
THIS IS A RANT, WHAT I SAY HERE IS NOT FACT. TAKE IT WITH A GRAIN OF SALT. THANK YOU!
EXTRA WARNING: DON’T TAKE THIS RANT TOO SERIOUS! NEEDED TO VENT OFF SOME STEAM! IF YOU DON’T LIKE RANTS, TURN BACK NOW!
More of a serious Topic/rant and something that has been REALLY bugging me and I will say this. This is a rant and I want to say how I feel about some streamers but I’m gonna be vague, though.
A lot of streamers I watch seem to lose their way or let their ego go unchecked and that becomes a problem and it is an annoying problem.
Look I have no problem when people want to be famous or they want to be “cool” or whatever. but I do have a problem with it when it turns to an issue.
If someone has a question like “So.. What is the problem here?”
As you all know streamers and people when they get on social media, this can vary. They are friendly and will respond to everyone indirectly or be a asshole.
Again like I said. When people join, mostly, they are new and will most likely be friendly and will want to talk to you indirectly or directly or they are cunts about it. 50 / 50 Really.
When people hit 800 to 1000 follower milestone on any social media, things go downhill or start to go downhill which is the latter most of the time.
Then next to follow suit is them not being as easy to talk to. Almost like you are not there sometimes and it can be rather annoying.
Now let’s add in the ego, shall we? The ego and fame come into play when said person goes to events and gets “World Record” in games and again it fine, so long as you don’t treat others different.different.
So when you add.
1000 + or 2000+ followers milestone
An ego that is left unchecked
And some fame in the spotlight
A less friendly user and more closed off user
And on a team as well?
You got a twitch monster but what kind is there?
I kinda want to rip on streamers anyway.
There is the streamer type I dislike
1 They are too cool to respond to normal people
They act cool but they will be not willing to talk to you
2 They feel like they will look bad if, they are not talking to a bigger streamer or speedrunner or talking to anyone in their circle.
Let me go into more detail. This is an opinion but oh well.
It seems the streamers with a big ego want to keep an image of being cool when they joined a team so, I’m assuming only knowing people who do things for them is a way to keep that image.
Speedrunners and big streamers like to have this Idea image of them being this guy who gets world records, speedrun as a very cool and well-known person
And that’s fine but don’t be those guys who think they are better in some way, you come off as an asshole, to be honest.
3 They are glad when people do things for them
When you buy them games or means to buy games
Make them channel emotions
Come to their stream and watch them play a game you MAY not care for
Hosting them when they are live
Donating money or other things
Wishing them a happy birthday
Making them anything in general
And they tell you, thank you and such and that is nice and all but when you want something in return. You get nothing at all.
I guess I shouldn’t say nothing. Disappointment is something.
The best gift you can get is Disappointment.
4 Playing favorites in chat is the worst thing that these type of streamers.
Streamers do have favorite mods and viewers and that is fine. But some streamers have let others, know that they’re the favorites and like I said before, I have no problem with streamers playing favorites in their chat. But IF you do it in the way where it’s clear.
Or to sum it up in a better way. Giving favorite mods and viewers Special treatment and some people will feel annoyed cause, you are having a better time with the favorites than with the viewers and this can make the viewers feel unwanted or just up and leave.
I’m not going to name the streamers who fall into this trap.
Hey, if you enjoy doing nice stuff for streamers than more power to you and that is fine
I stopped doing things for some streamers as it was a waste of time and effort for me.
I will say this right now. I no longer have the will to support these streamers until things change.
What’s funny is that I always wanted to be there for them if, they let the fame and ego start to change them for the worst.
But I am done. No point of trying, but hey, they are doing fine I suppose. They didn’t fuck up and doing ok.
One extra nail would be, that these streamers are not my friends, just associates at that point. I do have streamers who are my friends but that’s for a different post, maybe.
I mean, you can say we are friends but we don’t really talk outside of Twitch, so “Friend” is a loose term
And we have the streamer type
Who likes to ask and beg for things
And they like to be your “friend” to see what they can get from you.
Normally this can go two ways.
1 If they can’t get anything from you then they will backstab you and ditch you and just act like nothing happened. One user is good for doing that shit but I ain’t going to get into that.
2 They can end up being your “friend” and it can be either good or bad. well, being the friend that likes to take but never give.
These streamers tend to burn a few bridges and It won’t help them in the long run
I guess in a way by ranting about streamers indirectly, I know how to avoid letting my ego get out of control and know how to not be a streamer who is a piece of shit to some users
I do try my best to give back to those who give me things
I don’t play favorites and while there are streamers I Dislike o how they changed for the worst, I will notice you in my chat room
Hell, I am not perfect but I do work on it. I may not be the best at times with streaming and social media but again, I work on it and I’m getting better with it.
Talking to more users and being more active
But this is all thanks to my great friends and the better streamers and me wanting to not be a fame whore.
Even on the twitters, I am being more active and talking to people I never talk to. I have stopped ignoring them and so far, it is fun to be social and not Anti-social.
But that ends my rant on twitch.tv streamers. They used to be great before they got a big head and changed for the worst, IMHO(In my honest opinion)
I used to support them, wanted to be there for them and hell, I respected them at a point in time but I can’t anymore. It’s all about being edgy and cool.
If the streamers I watch, change in the future, I will be more than glad to support them and watch again but I will see what the future holds.
And before I see “LOL, because you stop watching them, you are not going to have an effect on these streamers.”
And I would, I don’t care. It will be like I’m there. Not there. When I watch these streamers, it’s like I was not there to them, So, me being there or not really doesn’t matter in any way, shape, or form.
Simple. I don’t like how things are going on Twitch.tv channel. I just don’t watch.
But this is here my Long Twitch TV rant comes to an end. This has been on my chest for months and I been wanting to say something about this.
So, till next time. You will see another post. Not sure when, though.