Oh, hey, it’s August.. It’s almost a new month, huh. It’s time for happy updates and stuff. These updates are just things I done / plan to do. And just giving a short or long rundown of said event.
Happy things and sad things in the post.
258 IBs but losing the pounds at a fast rate. eating less also helps me lose weight. been doing well in this part, I guess.
How I feel about streaming on Twitch
I gave streaming a second go on twitch after a two month + break. And it was talking to SBCz, HyperSonic7701, DeadKev19 but as fun as that was. streaming lost the magic to me. Streaming in general is no longer fun, for me. so my channel is kinda dead.
I just don’t care for streaming anymore. I just don’t enjoy it, and 2020 kinda killed my drive for a lot of things. there really is no point of me streaming anymore.
My latest / last stream: https://www.twitch.tv/videos/710514107 I may archive it, don’t know. I probably won’t. you can watch the full stream of me being boring, I suppose.
Progress on my Sonic fan game
Progress was nothing. after what happened.. The game was in limbo but somewhat coming back from this*. I made some progress that I can at least share with you some new things in the game
While the progress has been slow, things have been getting better for this project A better demo is coming soon and we can see what happens then.
Maybe by then, I will have most things done for this fan game.
Been re-invited back to the [TGG] or the gamer grid
Drax’s Friend, Dave sent me a invite to the guild. not sure why drax didn’t sent it himself. But I left that server as it felt more of a guild server that had calls elsewhere which kinda killed the point of having a server.
I suppose things changed now. I left the server before since it felt dead to me and if it feels dead or inactive, I will just leave and won’t comeback. I don’t know what reason was there to send me a invite to a server I left on my own
I will stay in this server until it gives me a reason to leave or some petty drama happens but I will see what will happen
HyperSonic7701 still reads my blog
It’s interesting that HyperSonic7701 still reads my blog, I assume. He gave me some life advice, and it was honest. most of it was good. HyperSonic7701 had a good idea why I felt the way I did but there was a much bigger reason. slowly building up then 2020 added the final nail to the coffin
Was interesting to see his advice and his take on things
In the event that everything needed to set this plan in motion does happen. I should give you a heads up. when I just go poof in social media at any point during Plan S you will know, I guess.
Plan S is a last resort nuclear option (extreme meltdown). When I lose / lost everything near and dear. when my hope that is a dim flame is snuffed out, when 2021 goes how I think it will, and when it becomes too much to deal with life
I will remove myself from some online social media so you won’t see me there. I will still be on Twitter cause a promise.
Is Plan S a bit Extreme? Yes, but with how 2020 has turned out so far.. it’s a last ditch effort to feel anything, and if 2021 turns out how my gut is feeling. I done this before in the past but I think it may be worth doing. When the plan goes into effect. I will tell those who are still around and close to me what’s going down.
My time at [ThunderCry] Elsword NA guild
My time at ThunderCry was “fun”. The server was pretty chill. I met some cool users but over the span of time. these users turned out to not to be so cool.
people left the server and guild, and the guild with those still active.. I don’t know, it feels depressing. Thundercry, a guild I been with for a few months lost that magic.
Hell, I was offered to be an admin* for the guild, and after the recent things happening within the guild. I can’t take the offer. I feel I should let them know but I think they know, kinda
I’m glad I didn’t be a admin. Something about ThunderCry feels empty and hollow to me.. If this feeling remains, I will most likely leave the guild on my own and rejoin my friend guild or join a different guild or go guildless.
Made two +10 amulets in Elsword NA
Elsword NA is having a event where they are giving players the chance to enhance their gear to +9 and higher in the form of special gear that can be turned into amulets
I was very lucky to have made two +10 amulets which is very rare, and hard to do, even as a blacksmith.
How am I doing?
I’m doing better**. still questioning a lot of things. Contemplating life and wondering “why?” Other then that, I been keeping to myself. Isolating myself from the world and “talking” to a small number of people on social media
There isn’t much for me to really say on social media anymore, is there? I been playing Animal Crossing on switch and Elsword as that keeps me busy. I kinda don’t want to do anything anymore
After hearing our uncle got shot, our move to Ohio may no longer happen due to our life being in danger, and our uncle may move in with us here in Texas, if he comes up here after they point out who attacked our uncle which may make us targets.
I am continuing to fail to see the point in life for me, and 2020 just keeps adding more to it. Every little bit is a step closer to that metaphor cliff. I think I know how my life will play out at this point. time to skip to the end, no?
I have tried to start living for myself or die trying, at the very least. Now the safety net is no longer there to catch me if I fall this time. That was my problem. No matter how bad prior years were, there was a cloud of certainty and a safety net to catch me. but that cloud of certainty has left.
Only a cloud of uncertainty looms around. I still don’t know what I want out of life. I guess me being too dependent on friends is that, they were all I needed in life. then should one leave, they take a part of me.
I will stay on Twitter / other media till I served my purpose or till I am no longer needed or those I care about leave. Once that is done / happens. I don’t know.
I think it’s best I give up on love. as much as that hurts to say that. sadly it’s for the best and don’t want to be in a relationship and I end up meeting my end by life’s hands. this way no one will have to be worried sick. And can’t find love during a virus without risking my life but oh well
I have come to terms with some things, i’m still sad about some of the things but oh well. life sucks. life sucks more when it kicks you when you are down but when you are me, you are used to the bad luck.
It’s time I deleted this account for my depressing rants. everything I said on this account, I mean 100 % but that’s for me to know and you to figure out. I will prob let one friend see these thoughts on ha12536343 then delete it.
Well, if ever want to talk, I will be on twitter or discord. If not, I will go back to closing out the world