Well, this is going to be a uhh.. update and I guess I want to share what’s more on my mind and ha ha ^^
I should warn you, this update is all negative and don’t go into this update looking for sunshine and rainbows. That’s not here. This post is very dark and depressing
This blog update was edited heavily for viewing joy
Next Month will be a happy update
You have been warned. Read at your own risk
Best Friends Forever
Well, all things come to a end and 2020 has been everything but being best friends is something I have to get used to but I should see what happens
I hope in 2021 we can go back to playing games and having calls and fun cause I hope 2020 doesn’t mean the end of it but I think I will give everyone space and stop being overbearing
I did jump the gun with the Facebook relationship status and should have at least waited but I think I might just leave Facebook.. I will ask Bet later when we can talk
I still regret how I handled things and even now, ha ha. I handled everything poorly. ^^
I hope we can talk again but I will wait till 2021 to see what happens
So, this diet is something I been doing for a while. eating one meal a day. but from this way, I been losing weight fast and I been fasting a lot but I been being safe ^^
I’m 257.2 and still losing pounds and will keep losing weight till I find a weight I’m happy with. ha ha. ^^ Though, I do have a goal in mind, and my Ideal size..but that is a secret, ha ha
Getting rid of my discord servers
So, it’s time it has happened, no? So my discord servers how I left inactive I don’t use them and I feel I am not ready to have a server of this size, so once this post goes live, both of the servers will be deleted
I have been thinking about this but If I make a server in the future, It will be for a small group of friends but I want to thank everyone who joined me in my dead server
But I will be getting rid of the servers and no point of having a server. I will be in other servers or till I leave them anyway. Ha ha. ^^
getting rid of sites and other accounts
So, with this. accounts I made will get abandoned or deleted or ???. Prior to now, I never done anything with them. With that said. Going to list some of them.
Blogger – Deleted
inactive facebook second account – going to delete it
Main Facebook – Will be a Time capsule but will talk to bet about this. or delete the account. idk
Wix forum and Wix site – deleted
Tumblr – abandoned Time capsule
Cyberscore – abandoned
mixer – abandoned
joined the soul searching party
I had a wake up call. I don’t know who I am. I can’t figure out who I am. I’m soul searching but nothing is coming up. I guess I have never found myself and maybe I never will. It’s not to sound sad or anything
But it has always been a thing that people figure out who I am but I can’t. I feel like a template of some kind then I work based off of that but maybe if I keep looking, maybe I will find out who I am, no? ha ha.
I just don’t know who I am, really. I’m unsure. I’m some drifter with no cause. but I will keep looking and maybe I will find myself
Still chasing this dim light in this ever growing tunnel to a uncertain future of mine. 2020 has done so damage to me behind the scenes and then some.
So, my future. I just want to help people and make people laugh or help people have a good time. I don’t want anything.. helping people and making others smile is all I really care about at this point
nothing brings me joy anymore, just going through the motions till my time comes, ha ha. I don’t know what would make me happy other then that..
Playing elsword, a game that makes me unhappy doesn’t make me happy, shocking right
Livestreaming is not fun anymore. Don’t really care, waste of time, ha ha
Youtube and making videos, lost my passion a long time ago, ha ha
playing games feels boring
game development don’t know if I care to keep going with it
Life, not sure what I even want out of life anymore, I’m so tired of trying, I really am tired but I want to help others
Some things I don’t know I doubt it. but if I biting the dust in the future rather by cruel life or my own terms, I can feel at ease that there no one waiting for my safe return once I pass on in peace with no regrets. Life goes on, it doesn’t stop for anyone
Do I still have thoughts of the world being better off without me in it? yes, not to the same level. Do I have a reason to live, ha ha, not all too sure anymore. Do I want to leave this life and be free of this hole in my soul and this feeling? very much love to be free, but more later
“Life gets better, things get better”, ha ha I don’t know anymore. I’m waiting for the right moment then I will feel happy again. ha ha
Why am I still going on after everything has happened in 2020.. A promise that a bright future is there but I know where my bright future is but can’t say, ha ha.
The other reason is, I am a coward and a broken worthless failure who too scared to escape this living hell, so I’m waiting till I build enough courage to act on these dark thoughts to escape this living hell, ha ha
smile and nod. I have stopped telling my friends how I feel after these past days, not right to whine to them when they are happy. dumping my problems on them is awful and petty, therefore, I’m a petty loser, ha ha
what’s going on with me..? I honestly don’t know or don’t care about my well being, others are important and they matter. I just want to help people but till then, I’m putting back up the walls, ha ha.
How do I feel? Dead and empty, ha ha.. Don’t worry. I like to make others happy with a smile and their worries melt away.. it’s great to help and it’s nice.
I made another twitter where I let out happy emotions and happy thoughts here ha12536343 I will not let anyone see these thoughts unless I trust you..